10 Even More Deranged Delights from the Harrods Multiverse (Brace Yourself)
2025-04-02
10 Even More Deranged Delights from the Harrods Multiverse (Brace Yourself):
Q: Does Harrods have a “Department of Paradoxes” where you can buy a box that’s bigger on the inside?
A: Yes, but it’s only sold to customers who’ve already bought it. Time travelers adore it—great for smuggling Renaissance art into the future.
Q: Can I hire a Harrods-approved wizard to turn my ex’s new partner into a decorative ottoman?
A: Their “Passive-Aggressive Sorcery” service starts at £50,000. Warning: The ottoman will critique your interior design choices.
Q: Is there a secret underground zoo for extinct animals, like dodo concierges or T-Rex butlers?
A: Absolutely. The dodos handle complaints (“Why am I here?”), and the T-Rex serves tea… clumsily. Jurassic High Tea, anyone?
Q: Has anyone ever tried to pay with a sack of enchanted beans?
A: In 1863. Harrods accepted them, planted a beanstalk, and now battles giants for prime rooftop retail space. Zoning laws? Pfft.
Q: Can I commission a gown made entirely of celebrity tears and starlight?
A: The Bridal Atelier’s “Drama & Dior” collection specializes in this. Care instructions: Avoid reality TV marathons.
Q: Does Harrods’ Wine Cellar include bottles filled with the screams of procrastinating novelists?
A: A sommelier favorite! Pairs well with imposter syndrome and deadlines. Vintage 2020 is particularly whiny.
Q: Is there a “Midnight Masquerade” where mannequins come alive and roast shoppers’ fashion choices?
A: Every full moon. Dress code: metaphorical armor. The 1920s flapper mannequin is brutal.
Q: Can I rent the store’s iconic green awnings as parachutes for my pet peacock’s skydiving hobby?
A: Of course! Liability waiver states: “If the peacock founds a cult mid-air, Harrods claims 10% tithes.”
Q: Does Harrods sell a “Cryptic Compliment Generator” to confuse enemies at galas?
A: “Your aura reminds me of a slightly damp croissant… fascinating!” Batteries not included (but your ego is).
Q: Is there a hidden “Ministry of Misdirection” that makes you forget you’ve maxed out your credit card?
A: What credit card? You’ve always owned that solid-gold hamster wheel. Move along, nothing to see here.
Bonus: Harrods’ loyalty program includes a “Frequent Cryer” tier—every 10th existential crisis earns a free truffle. 🎪💸
(Note: Harrods’ legal team has neither confirmed nor denied these claims, but they’re definitely side-eyeing us.)